Last week I submitted an application for my future. I won't find out if I'm accepted for 5 more weeks. It is pure torture. I've never been very talented at waiting.
I've been trying to keep myself busy, mostly to try and stay away from things I think will jinx my chances (I can be a tad superstitious) but it's not working very well. I'm still caught in that initial "application submitted" buzz, when all you can think about is how fantastic it would be if it actually happened, if you got accepted. Fair warning: this is purposefully vague. I greatly dislike vagueness, such as when people post "I'm soooo done!!!!" on facebook and that's it. We get it, you want attention without having to be specific. If you tell me what you're done with, I might care. So if you detest vagueness as much as I do, you don't have to keep reading. What's written here isn't a cry for attention, just something I need to write to exit my "application submitted"buzz. Free my miiiiiiind and the rest will follow, if you will.
I don't know where I'll be in six months. I could still be living the dream in my parents' basement with my cat who doesn't really like me and my laptop. Or I could be in the big city with a job that's the beginning of a career in a studio apartment with my cat who doesn't really like me and my laptop after having completed the root requirement for getting there. Or still, I could be living in my parents' basement with my cat who doesn't really like me and my laptop after having completed the root requirement for getting me into the career I want but didn't because no one hired me.
These are all possibilities. Obviously, I would much prefer Door #2 to Door #1. I'd love to have Door #3 over Door #1 because the dream of getting a job I want is still real. But I don't know what's going to happen and that, friends, is very difficult for me.
At the beginning of the semester, a professor in my office asked me to take the Myers-Briggs assessment. She does it every semester in the classes she's teaching and I make the graph and name tags for her. I've been doing this for her for almost 5 years and have never taken it. So she gave me the test. I took it and scored it. My personality type is ISFJ - Introverted Sensing, Feeling Judging. Now, I'm always pertty skeptical of personality tests. When I take the color code test I'm like 85% yellow, 10% white, and 5% blue. I don't really believe that about myself. So after I got my MBTI results, I looked up the ISFJ personality type. It was alarmingly accurate to who I am. Alarmingly.
Don't look at judging as judgmental, it's actually about how you plan. I like to plan things. I like to know what's happening and when and what type of shoes I should be wearing. I don't want to be one of those freshman girls wearing stilettos their first day of college on 163 year-old sidewalks built on a hill. I like to know what the plan is. That's why I'm not talented at waiting, especially with things like this that could have so many possible outcomes.
Obviously the outcomes listed above aren't the only choices either. Maybe I'll take my 400+ hours of sick time and move to New York or Boston or Chicago or San Francisco and pound the pavement until I find a job in a city. But I don't know yet and that's the worst. So don't ask me what I'm doing in July, I won't know until tax season ends.