Wednesday, October 19, 2011

For Every Season

I was thinking about Christmas today. I was looking at the "Catch of the Day" deals on Boden and started looking at girls' clothes for my nieces for Christmas and I realized, it's only mid-October, I don't need to be thinking about Christmas yet. But by that time it was too late and I was in the throes of twinkle lights and ringing bells and the smell of cinnamon almonds in malls. Ugly sweater parties and white elephant gifts and love and laughter and that little bit of heartbreak that comes with knowing someone is missing. And that feeling that takes over the earth, that one that can't really be described other than to say it feels like it's the holidays. I love that feeling, and even though it means another year has come and gone, and that I'm another year older with little to show for it, I'm actually excited for it to be the holiday season once again.

Now, as it is only mid-October, I'll enjoy the fall(ing) leaves and the weather that's finally making it feel like fall. Football and salted caramel hot chocolate from Starbucks and cranberries and pumpkin and that little holiday we call Thanksgiving. And I'll enjoy that since the surgery last week (and only now do I realize the most clever title for that blog post would have been "Surgery V: The Final CUT) and 6 days of recovery, things are looking up. My hand doesn't hurt all the time, in fact only some of my fingers are numb. I can get all the way through dialysis without need of pain killers or lessened time. I can type more than a sentence without needing to take a break because of forearm fatigue. Sure, I have a catheter in my leg but as it turns out, fem caths are a lot less bothersome to me than the ones they put in my chest.

I didn't really get to enjoy my summer, and I got a week of fall enjoyment in  Boston before the s*** hit the fan in September, now I can hopefully enjoy the rest of fall and the coming holiday season. It's weird to think it'll be here before we all know it. But days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to months, and seasons change and memories fade and suddenly you're 29, wondering where your youth has gone. (so dramatic, I know) You blink your eye and suddenly your little cousin is old enough to drink, your dad is getting ready to retire, your little brother is a father and you find yourself saying phrases like "When I was a teenager we didn't all have cell phones". And worst of all,  you find yourself writing dribble like this on your blog. It's kinda tough getting older, but it's tough when you're young too. ;) 

Monday, October 10, 2011

Surgery V: The Final Chapter (Hopefully)

It's my birthday week, and it's gearing up to be not-that-bad of a week. Maybe. As of 8 a.m. this morning it was going to be a normal, calm week. Then I went to have my stitches removed and now I'm having surgery #5 on my arm on Thursday. The blood flow to my right hand has been greatly diminished because the graft is "stealing" the blood from it, and it's getting worse every day so Dr. Sarfati is going to tie off and/or remove the graft so I can regain the full use of my right hand. Being right handed, this will be very beneficial to me. But it's also very bittersweet. It means that all these surgeries, all this pain and tribulation, all these scars were all for naught. Hopefully this will be the end of my vascular journey/nightmare and I can just get a kidney and get on with my life.

But this week is full of more than just surgery. Wednesday I finally meet with the transplant surgeon at IMC, an appointment that has been delayed twice because they've been doing transplants (a good sign!), AND it's the Season 6 premier of PSYCH, my favorite television show of all time. This is a big deal to me because I really do love "Psych" and it can get me laughing when nothing else can.
Shawn-"Gus, don't be both Ashlee Simpson albums."
Gus-"There were 3 Ashlee Simpson albums, Shawn."
S-"What? How is that possible?"
G-"There was 'Autobiography', 'I Am Me', and-"
S-"I can't do this with you right now."
hahaha oh Shawn and Gus, I wish  I lived in  your world. Friday I should be getting the new iPhone 4S for my birthday, assuming my dad can fight through the crowd and get to the AT&T store in the first 30 seconds they're open to get me one before they run out. It's my birthday present. I'm excited. Plus I already bought a kate spade iPhone 4 cover and I needs a phone to put it on. Saturday is my actual birthday and it will be filled with dialysis, Utah v. Pitt, napping, dinner, and probably more napping. Sunday is the family celebration for mine and Max's birthdays which will include two of my favorite things: Chocolate Rum Cake from Leslie's and cranberry salad.

Birthday weeks shouldn't include surgery, but what can you do? I'm looking forward to having a hand that doesn't feel like its wickedly asleep all the time. At least I'm praying that is the end result. Happy birthday to me.