New York City: Girl on a Ledge

**First in a brief series about my recent 11 day house hunting trip to New York City

Sometimes, when you've never been more sure of anything in you life, you doubt that surety. You doubt that it's right; you doubt your judgement and sanity. I believe the term for this is cold feet.

As a Libra I'm naturally prone to indecision. When I decided I wanted to go to graduate school, and that I only wanted to attend New York schools, I was sure. When I got into Columbia, I was sure that's where I wanted and needed to go. When I got into Columbia, I was sure I wanted to live in New York, by myself, and I was sure I'd be fine.

When I landed at JFK on Sunday, June 29th, I was feeling less sure. When my parents dropped me off in Chelsea and continued to Boston, I was even more less sure. When I was walking down Chambers Street in TriBeCa a few hours later, I was a girl on a ledge and I needed someone to talk me down.

Point: Break

No, this is not a Patrick Swayze/Keanu Reeves movie where the two main characters are named Bohdi and Johnny Utah. I assume you would know that since you're reading and not watching, but I wanted to make sure we're all clear that there will be no John C. McGinley - which is a sad. He would make this so much better and hilarious.

This won't be hilarious. Not unless you count obscure pop culture references as hilarious. Which I do depending on the context. In Psych, yes. The Mindy Project, yes. Law & Order: SVU, no.

It's Coming on June (Fees)

Top questions I'm getting asked these days and my subsequent responses:

Q: Are you excited to (pick one)

• move to New York???
• start your program at Columbia???

A: Yes, I'm very excited!

Q: When are you moving/when is your last day at work???
A: August 18th/15th, respectively.

Q: What classes are you going to take?
A: Registration is in August, so I'm not sure yet. 

Q: Where are you going to live???
A: I'm not sure. I'm going to the city the beginning of July to find somewhere to live.

See You Be Brave

Stagnant: adjective \'stag-nant\

1. not flowing
2. not active, changing, or progressing

For a great length of time I felt like I was stagnant. During some of this time it was involuntary; there is only so much one can do when tethered to a dialysis machine 12 hours a week. But for other parts, it was voluntary.

Voluntary because I didn't know what to do next. "Stalled" is another good 'S' word to use. I was stalled and therefore stagnant in my life. I didn't know how to change it. So I didn't do anything except work at my good albeit dead-end job. All while friends and family got better jobs and advanced degrees, had babies and got married, bought houses and achieved major life accomplishments.

I just watched...
Was self-deprecating (and not in that "I'm humble and charming" way)...
And got a little bit angry at the successes of other people. Which, for the record, is not okay.

Always A Good Idea

Exactly one year ago today I got an email so devastating to me it inspired me to write one of the most popular and true and wrenching pieces I've written. It took me quite a while to move on from that devastation and utter incomprehension of what to do next. 365 days later I know without a doubt that was exactly what needed to happen to me because it got me to where I am right now, and to where I'm about to go.

I've been thinking about my life and my future. About how in 5 months' time I'll live in a city with more inhabitants than the entire state of Utah; in an apartment the size of my bedroom, closet, and bathroom combined (and that's if I'm real lucky); about how I probably can't take my darling little cat with me. She'd hate New York and me for relocating her there. She likes to play outside and chase leaves and catch critters. She also likes my parents, more than she likes me I'm afraid, and as much as I know I'll need her with me, I also know it's better for her to stay with my parents. They do really love her.

Best Week Ever (Transplant Update)

There's a show on VH1 I love called Best Week Ever. It's a show about pop culture and is sort of a "week in review" format commentated by comedians. Judah Friedlander, Paul F. Tompkins, and Mo Rocca were, at one time, commentators. After the week in pop culture has been reviewed, someone is declared to be having the BEST WEEK EVER.

I am confident that after last week, if I was someone to whom anyone payed attention, or if I was somehow noteworthy in pop culture, I'd have won the title of having the best week ever.

It started on Saturday, March 8th. It was my niece's birthday. I sent her a tutu which she did not want to try on because she had gotten some Calico Critters bunnies and beds for them to sleep in and a Calico Critters house for them to live in. She wanted to put the bunnies in the beds, not try on a tutu. I was feeling jealous she had a cake and I had none. It's impossible to share cake over FaceTime.

Sunday

Call it magic.

A sunny Sunday afternoon in early March. Sixty degree temperatures. Blondies cooling on the countertop. Apple and Munster cheese slices on a plate on the mangowood table, and some dried salami that tastes nothing like an Italian sausage off the grill. Water and Diet Coke with half a lemon juiced in, aranciata, ginger ale in a glass bottle.

I wore a black and white striped dress to church with red heels and drop (fake) diamond earrings. When I got home I put on mint green jeans and a white tee because it's spring now and I'm not cold anymore. My pants are all too big for me because I've had an "overgrowth of bacteria present in [my] small intestine" since I got food poisoning in November. Now I'm on the most expensive antibiotic in the world. It must have flecks of real gold in it.

The part about the pants and bacterial overgrowth and antibiotics isn't magic. It's science. And too much information.

But that Sunday afternoon was magic.

The Woman with Four Names

I was writing something very different today. It was going to be an essay about how the bus is the best human observation experience. But then I got to work.

There is a woman in my office who has hated me for reasons unknown for the last five and a half years. If you've ever hated someone you have to see practically every day for that amount of time, you know it can't be easy. You could argue that maybe she doesn't "hate" me, maybe she's just been really deep in thought or had "a lot on her plate" for five and a half years, but it's a lie.

She hates me. I know this because she did not hate me the first six months I worked at my job. She was really nice to me, invited me to breakfast meetings and pizza parties she was having for her research assistants, would actually exchange pleasantries with me. But not anymore, not anymore since November 2008

A Wee Woman, Despite the Use of Lard

I'm waiting for some potentially life-changing news. Not potentially, it is life-changing news. But that news also takes 6-8 weeks to get. I'm not good at waiting. So I decided to take a Lifelong Learning class at the University of Utah as a time-filler. The class is a writing class called "Five Short Weeks, Five Short Essays" and is focused on writing non-fiction essays of 1000 or less.

Lifelong Learning is a community program. Anyone can sign up, anyone can take a class. You don't have to be accepted to the U., or have a degree. There are literally no requirements except that you can pay for the class. Obviously, this isn't a "for credit" class, so it's up to you if you want to participate and do the homework and reading, or even come to class. You get out of it what you put in.

Like I said, it's a time filler for me so I have something to focus on whilst waiting for my life to change. I've also decided that I'm going to publish the short essays I write on my blog. It gives me a little more incentive to write them, honestly, because I'll feel more accountable if I have someone other than myself to write them for.

Here is the essay from Week One. "A Wee Woman, Despite the Use of Lard"

Best Of: 2013 Edition

It's the last day of 2013, which means every blog in the land is going to have a "year-end review" or a "recap" or "reflection" post today. This is no different. I posted a "Best Of" list last year because 2012 was a very good year for me and I wanted to remember that later when I have really awful years.

But I kind of like the "Best Of" concept. I think it's a better thing to reminisce on all the good things that happened in a year than focus on all the horrible ones, so maybe this will become an annual deal.

This year I realized that being a single, gainfully employed adult could be a very good thing. I traveled a lot (for me, anyway) and read a lot of books and saw a lot of movies. I like to see the creativity people have and how they put it forth for the masses. So there might be a lot more creative-type entertainment-things on this list than say, personal things.

Without further explanation or hesitation, here is my Best Of: 2013 Edition

Why I Think Jennifer Lawrence is a Role Model

Did you catch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on Tuesday night? Yeah, me neither. I was watching  Cupcake Wars On Demand while I laid in my bed with my new companion Nausea.

I'm writing this today because of two things I read/watched in succession on the inter webs. First I watched this video:

A friend posted it to Facebook and, let's be honest, the cover picture of the video on the post was of Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen, and that's why I clicked to watch.

Food Poisoning

A few weekends ago I got food poisoning.

During my brief stint in culinary school I was required to take a sanitation class where I learned everything there is to know about food-borne illnesses: the symptoms, how they spread, the causes, the fact that there has to be a certain amount of documented cases from the same place before it's considered for investigation. Those things are burned into my memory because of the sheer grossness of learning them.

I can also tell you - off the top of my head - what temperature any meat needs to be cooked to in order to kill pathogens. It's a skill my family utilizes on a weekly basis, generally for Sunday dinner. Fact: any ground meat needs to be cooked to 165* F to kill the bacteria it houses. Your burger doesn't need to be charred, but it does need to reach 165 to kill E. Coli.