New York City: Girl on a Ledge

**First in a brief series about my recent 11 day house hunting trip to New York City

Sometimes, when you've never been more sure of anything in you life, you doubt that surety. You doubt that it's right; you doubt your judgement and sanity. I believe the term for this is cold feet.

As a Libra I'm naturally prone to indecision. When I decided I wanted to go to graduate school, and that I only wanted to attend New York schools, I was sure. When I got into Columbia, I was sure that's where I wanted and needed to go. When I got into Columbia, I was sure I wanted to live in New York, by myself, and I was sure I'd be fine.

When I landed at JFK on Sunday, June 29th, I was feeling less sure. When my parents dropped me off in Chelsea and continued to Boston, I was even more less sure. When I was walking down Chambers Street in TriBeCa a few hours later, I was a girl on a ledge and I needed someone to talk me down.

I was crazy to think I could move to this city by myself. I had to be completely insane, right?? Because I sure felt insane! [cue insane laughter] What was I even doing? Why was I even here? I'm not brave or courageous. I can't do this alone.

As I walked down Chambers Street towards the Hudson and the doggy day care, a woman stopped me and asked if I knew where the 9/11 memorial was. In fact, I did know where it was because I'd been there and I'd been in this neighborhood before. I turned to my left and pointed up to the Freedom Tower. "See that?" I said, "That's the new World Trade Center building, the Freedom Tower. It's 1,776 feet tall. The memorial is below it." She asked me some questions about the memorial. I told her to go; it's one of the neatest things she'll see in New York. Then she asked me how long I'd lived in the city. "Oh, I don't live here. I'm moving here in August to go to grad school, but I don't live here yet." She looked surprised. "Well, I think you'll make it here just fine, especially since you already know where you're going!" Then she hurried on to meet her friend.

Did I know where I was going?

I was alone in the city for a week while staying in Nick's apartment and dog-sitting for him, and trying to find some place to live. It was an important week because it showed me that I really could live in New York City by myself. It will be hard, yes. I'll get lonely, definitely. But I started to feel less crazy as days went by and I met up with friends and made new ones, navigated around and explored different neighborhoods. I even went to Brooklyn, twice, and Harlem.

At one point I felt a little like Mary Tyler Moore. I needed to go to Bloomingdales and buy a hat ("that will turn out to be a mistake as all hats usually are") and run across an intersection, toss my hat in the air while singing to myself "I'm gonna make it after all-llll da duh da daaa DUH!"

Instead I put my earbuds in and listened to Emeli Sandé.

"I'm back on my feet, feeling like me
I'm a tiger."

The Freedom Tower, Chelsea, Downtown NYC

Love, Sarah